Making Time for dates

by Jeffrey Hilton

I recently looked through my journal to review how some of my dates went. I began to notice a pattern. I would take a girl on a date, it would go well and she would appear to want another date. So I would try to set up another date and she would always be busy. I would get frustrated and stop pursuing her. At first I assumed this must be their way of telling me they aren’t interested. Then I talked to a friend of mine that all the ladies in the ward seemed to have interest in. He told me that if he could say one thing to women it would be that they need to make time for dates.

If he was having the same trouble with women maybe they weren’t making time for dates. Of course I began to talk to more male friends and realized the women weren’t the only ones not making time for dates. Men and women alike are filling their time with a lot of things. Between working and going to school, church callings, and sleep who can fit anything else in.

Looking through my journal I was amazed to see all the goals I gave myself and even more amazed to see how I accomplished them. I attended the temple at least once a week, had work, Institute, church, church activities, did family history work and went on dates. As busy as I was I had time for dates because I made time for dates.

The lack of time for dates is in our heads. If we have a bad experience or don’t get to go on dates very often we put our focus on other things. Many women I’ve talked to seem to think of marriage as a death. At times I must agree it seems like a death. Sadly once they are married they feel they will have to sacrifice all dreams and ambitions. They don’t realize that guys like me want to encourage them to accomplish their dreams.

A lot of us have grown up being told not to focus on dating. Until we are sixteen the word “Date,” is a four letter word. We are told to focus on other things. “My daughter is starting to notice the boys,” one father said, “I better get her involved in sports.” Whether it is sports, serving a mission, or something else, dating is not a part of our normal routine. Later in life we are expected to make room for it.

There is a great object lesson on time management I learned in seminary. A student came to the front with a jar, a bag of sand, and some small rocks. His goal was to get all of the sand and rocks to fit inside the jar. First he poured in the bag of sand. When he put the rocks in the jar only a few fit. He explained that the jar represents our lives, the rocks are the important things in life and the sand the less important things in life. If we pour the less important things (the sand) into our jars first then the important things (the rocks) won’t all fit. He then tried the experiment again. First he put the rocks into the jar and then the sand. The sand filled in the spaces between the rocks and both the rocks and the sand fit into the jar together. “If we prioritize the important things first in our lives, there will be enough room for the smaller things,” he explained.

For the first portion of our lives dating is part of the bag of sand. Later in life dating becomes one of the rocks and we must train ourselves to put it in before the sand or it won’t fit.

As soon as Adam was placed on the Earth, Eve was created and introduced to him. What if Eve had said she was too busy to meet Adam? Life had just begun for both of them. God created them so that they could be a team. Finding our eternal companion is the beginning of our lives and they are given to us to help us accomplish our goals.

So make dating a priority. You may need to cancel something. If you put dating in your jar first, the Lord will help you find room for the smaller things you sacrifice.

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