DETERMINE THE RELATIONSHIP
by Jeffrey Hilton
I overheard a conversation recently between a guy and a girl. Guy: So my friend had been on a few dates with a girl and they had the dreaded DTR. Girl: DTR?
Guy: DTR it means determine the relationship. You know, when a guy and a girl discuss if they are in a relationship or not. Girl: I think that’s silly! When two people are in a relationship they should just know.
I used to agree with the girl. Two people should be able to tell if they are in a relationship. These days it is a lot harder to tell.
There was one girl that I not only went on a lot of dates with, but spent a lot of time with. On our fourth date I told her I liked her as more than a friend. She told me she felt the same way and in my mind that meant we were an item. I began acting as though we were in a relationship. A few days later she suggested we go for a walk. On the walk she said she wasn’t sure how she felt about me. The next day she took me on another walk telling me she liked me as more than a friend. After six or seven walks I learned that a relationship isn’t something you can assume you are in.
Determining a relationship these days now requires more than knowing if you have one or not. It also requires knowing what type of relationship you have. You could be just friends or friends with benefits. The girl above wanted a “Non-serious Relationship.” To this day I’m still not completely sure what that is.
A former singles ward bishop I interviewed said there are several different relationship levels. “There’s pre-engaged, engaged-to-be-engaged, secretly engaged but you haven’t told anyone yet, engaged and a few others in between,” he explained. He went on to say that because going on a date almost means you are engaged, every aspect of dating is really serious. “Today holding hands is almost as serious as kissing was when I was dating,” he said.
These days we are so afraid of the unknown that it complicates dating. We must be in control because we are afraid. We don’t want to act or make a choice unless we already know the result. If in determining our relationships the other person doesn’t appear to be on the same page at every second we are afraid to continue that relationship.
When you have your next DTR consider CTR. No, not “Choose the right.” Choose the relationship. Unless common sense says not to, give the relationship a try.
©2008
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