The Friend Zone

by Jeffrey Hilton

One dreaded foe of dating is the friend zone. There was a girl I kept finding myself going on dates with before my mission. Not only was she a lot of fun but I could feel chemistry between us. When I returned from my mission I found out she was living in the area and was excited to take her out on a date.

When we went on our date as soon as she opened the front door I noticed a strange feeling. The chemistry had died. As the date came to a close she suggested we get together with a group of old friends and I realized what was wrong. We were stuck in the friend zone!

I had just returned from my mission and already I had missed an opportunity. As I began interviewing women I discovered that they don’t seem to mind missed opportunities. Two girls I talked to both agreed that sometimes women decide to just be friends with a guy they are interested in because they are afraid. For them it is okay to just be friends if it means they won’t be hurt. Unfortunately most of the time there’s someone in the friend zone that doesn’t want to be there. A lot of times they will play the waiting game and even put others in the friend zone while they wait for a friend to pull them out of the friend zone.

“Let’s just be friends,” can have a lot of meanings. It can mean let me see if I can find someone better. It can mean I want to talk to you about all my boy/girl problems. Maybe it means I want you to be my slave. It can mean I don’t want to get hurt. Most commonly it seems to mean we won’t be hanging out anymore please don’t be my enemy.

I say instead of saying or implying, “Let’s just be friends,” how about saying what you actually mean. If we all communicate more clearly about what we want we can more quickly find someone who can fulfill those needs. Two friends of mine went on several dates together. She wouldn’t be clear on what she wanted their relationship to be. This frustrated him and finally he started to date the woman that became his future wife. She was really hurt as she saw him move on to some one who better communicated feelings for him. If she had been honest with herself and him then maybe he would have married her instead.

Some people are so afraid to get hurt that the fear is preventing them from dating. Women have come up with such a variety of possible reasons to turn me down for dates that it has made me overly cautious. Often I’ll wait for some obvious sign of interest before deciding it is safe to ask a girl on a date. Soon I discover that what appeared to be a most obvious sign of interest actually wasn’t a sign of interest at all.

Another common fear is that of making a decision. What if I make a mistake? We can’t avoid every mistake. We shouldn’t seek out mistakes but we can look at them as opportunities to learn. We are all so used to a decision being made for us. Use all the wisdom you can in making decisions. Some decisions are either right or wrong and others result in two different positive experiences. If your heart and conscience both feel good about pursuing a relationship then give it a try.

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