A Player

by Jeffrey Hilton

Another problem facing singles is the term “Player.” A girl once asked me if I’m a player. “I don’t think so, why?” I asked. “You have gone on dates with several different girls,” she said. “I’m not a player,” I said, “I’m anxiously engaged in a good cause.” According to some girls, when a guy goes on a first date he is cheating on the last girl he went on a first date with.

One friend I interviewed described to me a repeat occurrence that happened to several of her single friends. She says a guy would hold hands with one of her friends and the friend wouldn’t hear any more from the guy. The next time her friend and the guy crossed paths there would then be awkwardness between them. Another friend told me she cuddled with a guy who stopped keeping in touch. “Wouldn’t he want to come back for seconds?” she joked.

Because of the chaste life LDS singles live it makes it harder to determine whom among them is a player. Some guys may try to use a woman for a kiss, cuddling, or maybe just to hold her hand. Why wouldn’t they want to come back for seconds? The only reason that comes to mind is fear of commitment.

I would like to first mention how wonderful it is to hold hands, cuddle, or kiss. Guys love these things. Under normal circumstances a guy would love to come back for seconds.

When these opportunities present themselves and the guy takes them he doesn’t always think of the meaning behind these actions. When he does he may realize he doesn’t know what the girl was thinking. If he tells her how he feels and she feels different then he must face the consequences. He may decide it is easier for him to try to pretend nothing happened. It can result in another scorned woman the rest of us guys have to face.

Some guys who fear commitment will have some level of physical interaction with a girl and then fear the commitment involved. Other guys who fear commitment abstain from physical interaction because they already fear the commitment that may follow. Both groups of guys are ruining dating for themselves, the women they date, and the rest of the men those women date.

A friend of mine met a woman online and she invited him to come to her apartment to watch a movie. When he got there he found he wasn’t really physically attracted to her. She gave several signals for him to cuddle with her, but he preferred not to. After the movie he could tell she was upset and it was very awkward for him.

Experiences like his might play a part in causing guys to give into women they haven’t yet considered committing to. They may find it easier to be physical with a woman to avoid an uncomfortable immediate situation. Many guys will be happy to be physical with a woman they aren’t yet committed to not knowing at the time that it may be a snare the woman is setting hoping to get a relationship. Some people may become trapped in a relationship. They think because they kissed, cuddled or held hands they now have to have a relationship. They may be afraid to hurt feelings by breaking up with someone.

We all must keep in mind that it takes two people to decide a relationship exists. An expression of love doesn’t guarantee a relationship.

One of my brothers pointed something out to me that I think really helps. He explained that one reason people have a relationship is so that they can have a better idea of whether or not they want to continue in that relationship. If an opportunity for a committed relationship presents itself and it is with someone who will have a good influence on you then why not give it a try?

I believe it is safe to say that most women who kiss, cuddle, or hold hands with a guy are doing it for the sack of a relationship. They are either doing it because they are interested in you or because they have low self-esteem. Unless you are looking for a relationship with them don’t take advantage.

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