PERSONAL REVELATION (Missions and Marriage)
by Jeffrey Hilton
I used to be very impressed when a woman decided to serve a mission. Then I noticed that a lot of women would hold off marriage to serve a mission. This makes dating and courtship very difficult. Time and time again I have seen women surrounded by men willing to court them and yet the women refuse to get serious because of their desire to be a sister missionary. As I have come to understand it, cases where God wants a woman to serve a mission are an exception where the spirit strongly confirms they should serve. Seeing this trend I wondered if each of these women were an exception. I began to ask them to share with me their spiritual experiences in which God told them they should serve a mission. I was amazed at how many of them finally confessed that they were going in order to get out of their parent’s house or to hide from something else they didn’t want to deal with.
On multiple occasions I heard women from small branches say their Branch Presidents asked them to consider serving a mission. I pondered about this and remembered how the General Authorities had asked every Bishop to try to think of one more missionary to send out. This perhaps for Bishops of smaller wards and branches became difficult and due to a lack of worthy young men they felt they must send out sisters. Women who weren’t considering missions were therefore taken from the group of singles and encouraged not to date for a year and a half.
I believe there are some Sisters the Lord wants to serve missions. I think speaking to their minds and giving them a burning in their bosom is part of that. One woman prayed for a long time to know whether or not to go. She didn’t feel she was given an answer and finally decided to go because she decided she would be a good missionary. Does that not come under a stupor of thought? Some women want so badly to serve missions that the Lord must decide somewhere to put them for a year and a half.
When Martin Harris asked to show others the 116 pages the Lord eventually allowed it. It wasn’t the will of the Lord but the Lord gave Martin what he wanted. In Alma 29:4 it says:
Whether an individual is asking about a mission or marriage personal revelation can be a difficult thing for them. Often we can be so wrapped in the joy that comes from the idea of marriage or a mission that we convince ourselves those feelings are God’s way of saying yes. I dated a girl that wasn’t a member of the church at the time. I was amazed at how quickly she seemed to be falling for me. Then a roommate pointed out that she might be mistaking the spirit for love. He then explained that even members of the church who spend all their time together doing spiritual things may mistake the good feelings that come from doing those things for love or confirmation that they have found the right person to marry. Eventually she joined the church and began to recognize what she was feeling. We must learn to put our own desires aside and be open to whatever answer the Lord gives us. We should study it out in our minds and fast about it. If we are honest with ourselves and expect the spirit to speak to our minds and our hearts we will know what the Lord is telling us.
Sometimes the Lord can also speak to us through others. It is important to get feedback from those around us because they have a perspective different than our own. What is hard for us to see may be obvious to others and if they feel they can be honest with us it will be very helpful.
We must study these things out in our minds. If you are considering a mission take missionary preparation classes. If you are considering marrying someone take a Dating and Courtship class and discuss the study material with the one you are considering. The more you know the more confident you can be when the Lord gives you your answer.
When you receive your answer it is important to listen and act on it. I dated an amazing member of the church. We were so in love and when we discussed the things in the Dating and Courtship manual our answers matched. I knew I could be happy marrying some one like her. We visited the temple together often. On one of these occasions I began to get a terrible feeling. It continued throughout the session and
Didn’t let up. In the celestial room I asked why I had this feeling and was told I shouldn’t marry my girlfriend. I was uneasy until later that night when I broke up with her. I loved her so much that I continued an on-again off-again relationship with her. As much as it hurt to end the relationship I should have listened to the spirit. The spirit knows that for whatever reason we shouldn’t marry and that on-again off-again time could have been used to focus on finding someone else.
©2008
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